www.paulnixon.org

Air Traffic in Europe

Good stuff.

Classy

Most amusing...

YMCA

Saw this and thought of you... one way ticket please.

Dida's death of the Beautiful Game

A very witty and spot on review of the events at Celtic last week from an Aussie journalist. Would like to see what he has to write about their World Cup humbling at the hands of Jonny Wilkinson and the boys.

Calling Alanis...

You couldn't make it up

Spanish Practices

Here's are a few of the rights that your local postie's union is trying to protect.

* Two or three hour minimum daily overtime - so if 30 minutes of actual work is required and completed, then between two and three hours' payment is demanded;

* An additional allowance claimed for using particular vehicles - regardless of whether the individual has actually driven the vehicle;

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* Automatic overtime if mail volumes reach a certain level - regardless of how many ordinary working hours remain that day;

* If a delivery round is finished before the end of the paid shift, the employee expects to be able to go straight home. But if it takes 10 minutes longer two to three hours' over time is claimed;

* Set overtime level is claimed at Christmas, even if there is no need for any additional hours and no extra hours are worked;

* An additional two hour payment on Easter Saturday - regardless of whether any work required;

* No flexibility between different parts of the same sorting office - if an employee sorts letters for a particular postcode, they will not sort for the adjacent postcode, even though both activities are often in the same room;

* Signing in and out for a shift on arrival - so that no record of actual hours worked exists;

* Collection drivers expect overtime pay for doing collections outside usual route - even if it is done within usual working hours;

* Overtime to cover for an absent colleague - a full day is claimed, even if only half day needed and worked;

* Ban on any cross functional working, even of similar tasks under the same roof;

* Additional meal and grace breaks as custom and practice

In principle I am on the side of unions. In practice they are a bunch of illiterate, badly educated, poorly spoken, uncompromising (in a bad way), unrealistic, disingenuous, duplicitous, luddite, unprogressive wankers. And so I am not - on their side that is.

Viagra and Penis Enlargement Spammer

"Alexey Tolstokozhev (btw, in Russian his name means 'Thick Skin'), a Russian spammer, found murdered in his luxury house near Moscow."

I'm generally opposed to vigilante justice - however, exceptions can be made...

Adele Adkins

Check out Hometown Glory. Lovely tune.

Motoring Groups

After sensible calls to reduce the speed limit in towns to 20mph I was waiting for the typical response from some prat representating a 'motoring group'.

First the facts.

"20mph zones across the UK and in other European countries found child road accidents fell by 67%, cyclist accidents by 29% and traffic flow by 27%"

Second, the prat - in this case Nigel Humphries.

"All you achieve by making people drive down the road looking at their speedometer is 10 times as many deaths and that's before you cause more accidents because people aren't looking where they're going"

Dear oh dear. This level of argumentative rigour might have worked in the playground, but I think we can all work through the obvious flaws in this one. Firstly, the research suggests otherwise - I wonder if superbrain Nigel has research to back up his 10 times claim?

Second. There are already speed limits. Are there any reasons to suggest that people will need to check their speedos more often? Is he seriously suggesting that there should be no speed limits?

I'm not opposed to motoring per se, but honestly, the level of intellect demonstrated by the spokespeople of motoring organisations is consistently depressing.

Nigel Humphries. Prat more like.

Viewers complain about Wogan's bulge

Not been enough stories like this on here lately.

More trouser-bulge stories please!

A nice trip to the cinema

I'm sure I am not unique in finding trips to the cinema a bit underwhelming - they don't make films like Delta Force any more for a start!

My issues are twofold; enforced captivity and a dislike of being ripped off.

A film has to be very entertaining to offset the cost of being confined in the dark, in the same seat, unable to do little other than consume the fare provided onscreen. If I don't like the film can I read the paper, go browse the internets or scrub the cat? No, I'm trapped with the remaining seconds of my life painfully ebbing away.

I'm not sure if the Odeon - strapline "fanatical about film" - still charge a levy if you book online. But it is a bold decision to charge you money so they can hire less call centre staff. On arrival at the cinema you find that their fanaticism doesn't extend to basic maintenance or even cleaning the frigging floor.

I will never understand why the act of watching a film at the cinema necessitates consuming vast quantities of low value products bought at great expense. Corn is nearly free. Draft soft drinks are nearly free. When I go to the fridge to get a diet coke I get one can, not 3 or 4 - the smallest soft drink available is, or used to be, the same size as a McDonald's large. Cinema foyers are floridian enclaves of gluttony and excess.

When I sit myself down 5 minutes before the advertised film start time I would expect a couple of trailers - potentially interesting if correctly targeted, but still mildy irritating - and then expect the film that I have paid for to start at the allotted time. What I do not expect is to be subjected to 20 or 30 minutes of advertising.

I have already paid for the priviledge to book online, been ripped off in the foyer and *I have paid to see the fucking film* - I should not have to sign away 20 or 30 minutes of my life to watch cocking adverts for God's sake.

Trap the Cat

Nice little flash game

Pizza

Amusingly described pizza ordering conversation.

Better than it sounds - honest.

Rowan Williams

Rowan Williams, doubtless a lovely man.

He's having a brief pop at Richard Dawkins in this article in the Guardian.

'Our culture is one that deeply praises science, so we assume because someone is a good scientist, they must be a good philosopher. My inner jury is out on that.'

I'll skirt the issue of whether the existence of God is a scientific issue, however I'll take Rowan up on something - how about this for intellectual rigour?

'Williams said that God is real for believers and existed before the universe did.'

Errr.. I think Dawkins, for all his faults, tries a bit harder than that! Merely saying it is so does not butter any parsnips for my 'inner jury'.

On a side note, I wonder recently why Jesus didn't tell us about penicillin? You have to think that withholding this valuable little gem ,which could have saved humankind enormous suffering and unnecessary death, must have been an act of pure malice.

Anyway, here's Rowan in his kid's party outfit.

Sex before marriage the christian way

Has to be said I was never tought this at school - I particularly like the use of bible quotes to back this up

Drugs

Ah. Make no mistake - drugs are lush. But then you die.

As everybody knows the best result for everyone would be for all drugs to be legalised - even the bloody police think think so.In fact everyone - except, of course, the Daily fucking Mail. Here's how they reported the call for decriminalisation by a police chief Richard Brunstrom

"Controversial police chief Richard Brunstrom was slapped down by the Government last night for calling for cocaine and heroin to be legalised."

Not content with that, how about a little spiteful character assassination?

"Earlier this year he authorised a road safety campaign which included a picture of a dying father of three, Mark Gibney. It later emerged that Mr Brunstrom had not obtained permission from Mr Gibney's relatives to use the images."

There is another person that doesn't think so. Our brooding, miserable, churlish, calculating, devious and puritanical prime minister who is planning to re-re-classify cannabis. Another master stroke.

Well it transpires that, since decriminalisation "... the proportion of 16- to 24-year-olds using cannabis slumped from 28% a decade ago to 21% now"

He can put that in his pipe and smoke it. But of course he wouldn't. Idiot.

Surely a victimless crime?

A man has been placed on the sex offenders??? register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle.

Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers.

She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

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Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.

Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offenders??? register but his sentence was deferred until next month.

He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however.

Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

Intelligent Design

Rather good.

Organic food is healthier and safer

Confirmation that organic food is better for you

Airport Security

Few things get my goat more than modern airport security.

Preposterous measures serving to disrupt and enrage millions whilst saving not *a single life*. Maybe in a couple of decades time my blood won't still boil when I have to take my fucking shoes off to get through security - but I doubt it.

Anyway, here's a report on a debate on such matters in the House of Lords.

"We continuously monitor the effectiveness of, in particular, the liquid security measures..."

How, one might politely ask?

"The fact that there has not been a serious incident involving liquid explosives indicates, I would have thought, that the measures that we have put in place so far have been very effective."

This is precisely the kind of thinking that I expect from the Government. As pointed out in the article, it has also been very effective against and asteroid strike, an alien invasion and unexplained nationwide floods of deadly boiling custard.

The government was rumbled when asked "What damage can be done by 105 millilitres of liquid that cannot be done by 100 millilitres of liquid?"